what i've been upto lately... rant-a-rant-rant

i haven't blogged for a long time because...

1. i wrote a fan fiction.. which pretty much took up most of my writing creativity. It is seven chapters long and each chapter was a real challenge to write. The problem wasn't the creativity or the plot, it was more of the putting things into words and making it feel realistic or make the characters be 'in character'.

2. i had a million exams and requirements last last week. okay, not really a million but it was surely a lot. i had to forego sleeping sometimes just to finish the requirements or finish studying for the exams.

3. i am bored. honestly, what to write when one is bored? i've exhausted youtube for anything that catches my interest. i even bought a book by my favorite author but i can't seem to finish it. i bought a comic book again but i wasn't thoroughly entertained. i am bored.

and so... i won't be posting much again. because here are the other stuff that i should be doing:

1. THESIS METHODOLOGY (yup, we haven't decided on the final algorithm of our thesis, and august is almost finished! gah! >panic mode<)

2. CS 131 probset, which was given to us last last week and i haven't even as much as glance at it.

3. CS 133 assignment, which was texted by our professor yesterday but only contains 2 numbers that i don't know how to answer at all

4. Stat 130.... dreaded exam is near, must review 3 chapters.

hai... i am so swamped with stuff... but i can't seem to find the right mood to make them. anyway. good luck to me. and to you too!

20...

ayon sa wolfram alpha.. 20 years at 20 days daw ako mula july 9, 1989 - july 29, 1989.. at kung sana naisip ko yun kahapon. eh di sana nagawa ko ito ng 20 years, 20 days, 20 hours, 20 minutes at 20 seconds pa nga..of existence. para cool.

anyway. aside from 20 years at 21 days na ako ngayon, technically,

7321 days na akong buhay - di man umabot ng 10k... tao talaga, laging humahangad sa upper bound.. hahahhaa

175 704 hours - at ilan sa mga oras na yun walang kwenta

2.006 decades - wala lang parang 2006.. hehe, sana wag naman 2.006 gwa ko.

20.04328 years old ako talaga.

so pwede kong sabihin ang age ko upto 5 decimal points.. hahaha.. wala lang.. anyway. exam pa bukas.. aral muna.

another bangag moment

dahil di na naman ako natulog dahil nagcram ako ng probset... heto na naman ako at bangag na bangag. ayoko sanang sayangin ang moment na ito kung kelan sobrang daling magsulat, magpaflow ng thoughts, magtranscribe ng sinisigaw ng utak ko, pasayawin ang mga daliri ko kung saan man nila gustong pumunta... kasi ganun lang talaga ako, so eto ang mga DAKILANG BANGAG moments ko na medyo once in a lifetime ang dating:

* ang highest score ko sa word challenge sa facebook ay nangyari nung sobrang bangag at inaantok ako at sinisigawan na ako ng ibang tao sa kwarto ng mga salitang nakikita nila sa screen ko. parang naging typist lang ako, pero antaas ng score ko nun, di ko na nga maabutan e.

* ang fastest MP na nagawa ko ay ginawa ko magdamagan from GUI to back end to docu, at individual pa ako nun. minsan kasi kapag feeling gago ka talaga, magpapakalala ka na lang para mas nakakahigh.

* ang highest exam ko sa math dati ay bunga ng hindi pagtulog buong gabi. parang nareretain sa utak ko ang inaral ko ilang oras lang bago ang exam. parang familiar pa sa kamay ko ang equations na sinosolve ko sa kwarto kaya't mabili na niya itong naisusulat sa exam ko. napaisip tuloy ako, kung bangag kaya ako... possessed din ako?

* masarap mawalan ng control sa sarili minsan. yung kinakalaban mo ang antok mo, kasi wala kang thrill sa buhay. ganun na siguro ako kabangag ngayon. bakit ka magdrudrugs, kung pwede ka naman magextrajoss araw-araw at ipagpaliban ang pagtulog. malamang pagkahiga mo sa kama, instant satisfaction na.

* mas masarap ang pagpupuyat kesa sa diet, sa fasting, sa pagpapakabait.. kasi madaling matuwa pagkatapos. makatulog ka lang, langit na. nasa kama ka lang, tulog ka na. baka insomnia ko lang tong nagsasalita. baka kelangan ko na ng sleeping pills. baka psycho lang ako. baka kelangan ko lang matulog.

goodnight.

kapag bente ka na.

kapag bente ka na....

...feeling mo mas matanda ka na, kahit na isang taon lang ang nadagdag sa edad mo
...malapit ka nang grumaduate, wala ka ng excuse para humingi ng allowance
...mejo unrealistic na magbasa ng pangteens na mga libro/manga/comics
...pag sinabi mo ang edad mo, laging reaction nila ay: "ang tanda mo na."
...tapos na ang 1/4 ng buhay mo.. yan ay kung aabot ka ng 80 (matagal na yun)
...at marami pang iba.. wala na akong maisip. hahai. hirap ng tumatanda, sana bumalik ang oras. tinatamad pa akong grumaduate.

when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even

i am really bored. i mean this is the third blog post within an hour and i am seriously clogging up this blog with all these nonsense. but hey, isn't that what blogs are for?

here's a song that won't leave my head otherwise known as the "last song syndrome" or LSS. it has a point though, when a heart breaks.. it really doesn't break even. i mean i've never been heartbroken or whatever before but the song really has a point. anyway. here's the lyrics.

Breakeven lyrics

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man thats gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)


hai.. i'm hopeless.

the wave theory of life

woohoo! two posts in one day. i'm on a roll here!

due to a cup of coffee, free wifi access, an uncured case of insomnia and a couple of stupid ideas running through my head, i have unearthed another stupid theory of life that has been sleeping inside my brain for a couple of years already. it all started with a simple phrase that popped up and never left my mind, "sometimes you just have to cry."

no, i wasn't trying to be melodramatic or dramatic at all. it just happened to pass by my brain before going to lala land or whatever land thoughts go to after they expire. being the bored techie that i am, i googled the phrase-that-never-left-my-mind and found a pdf about some humorist's speech. it gave further proof about my wave theory of life.

the wave theory of life declares that:
in life, one must experience happiness in the same intensity and length as sadness.

corollary: intensity and length of time are inversely proportional to one another.

you cannot be happy for an extremely long time and you cannot be sad for an extremely long time too.. you know why? extreme laughter and depression can cause death. if you experience sadness for a long time, it's not as intensified as you experienced it briefly. we are all human, we become numb to emotions after some time.

i do not mean we have to remain stoic and boring all the time to evade sadness, but isn't a roller coaster of emotions what makes us human? we feel, ergo we're human. the wave practicality of life justifies the existence of drugs and anti-depressants, we want to experience everything even through synthetic unnatural ways.

corollary: threshold values for happiness and sadness is unique for every person. happiness threshold value may not be equal to sadness threshold value.

it's like your alcohol limit, we all have our own capacities. some people can take in too much pain (martyrs), some people can't (suicidals) but we all have the ability to withstand sadness like how we have the ability to enjoy happiness.

it's a simple yin yang. a balance of some sort. we live. we laugh. we cry. it's what makes us human after all.

disclaimer: read disclaimer above.

life and everything else

after a routine stalking exercise, i found another blog stash of an old crush of mine that talked about theories, philosophies and all the big words that would shame marx. anyway, i've decided to write about something philosophical myself: life and everything else.

for me life boils down to simplest of things, #1 happiness of self and #2 happiness of others. i'm no gandhi or buddha but i do think that we're here to have fun, be happy and enjoy life as it is. although if you meet me in real life, i'm really no happy go lucky person but i like being happy. i spend hours and hours in doing the things that make me happy and that is reading books, listening to music, eating and sleeping. since classes has been postponed, i've been locked up inside my room doing the aforementioned four things repeatedly. of course, there's the occasional bathroom emergencies and social interactions to meet my quota. hahaha.

happiness of others may be as limited to happiness of other half, if you're lucky enough to have one. i, myself don't have anyone to share this dreary life with aside from the book and music collection stored in my PC. but you see, happiness of others can also translate to happiness of friends, family or any other social entity. this can be in a form more popularly known as "quality time" or simply QT, as my sister always termed it.

so, my philosophy in life? we're all here (on earth) to live, laugh, love, learn and ultimately be happy. we may need to work hard for happiness sometimes (study to get 1.0s, earn to eat great food, work asses off to get promoted) but these happy moments make life worth living (take it from a suicidal). so.. last words? live. love. be happy. because you deserve it. :D