song to the sun

i always read. i always read manga. i always read manga that's completely scanlated. i always read short manga that's completely scanlated. but it's rare for me to find manga that affects me this much. i read Taiyou no Uta from Aerendria Scans and I never thought it would be that good... and it would have this much effect on me.

Basically, it's like another twist of A walk to remember by Nicholas Sparks (which by the way was a favorite of mine for quite some time back then). It was sad, tragic and somehow realistic. The girl had XP disease, I googled it and it's a sickness that affects the enzymes that help us heal when we get sunburned or etc.

Anyway, she likes this surfer guy who passes by their house everyday. But they were like night and day, they couldn't meet. And then by chance, he was out at night and she met him. It was a sweet, short and realistic story of boy meets girl, girl blurts out feelings for boy, boy slowly likes girl and everybody's happy. and then suddenly girl's sickness worsens and girl dies.

There was a movie version of the manga. Yup, a movie version of the manga, not a movie based on the manga but a movie version of the manga. Everything was the same upto the details of the clothes, the characters, the setting - every little thing was exactly as how it was shown in the manga... even the framing was exactly the same. The only bonus was, I could actually hear the song in the movie while I needed a little bit of imagination and creativity in imagining her songs from the manga. Even the lyrics of the song was straight out from the manga. it was eerie and cool.

Good thing I read the manga right before watching the film, or I wouldn't have understood some dead air moments. There were times when they just sat there, staring into space. In the manga, there were personal realizations or the conscience speaking but in the movie, it was dead air. It was realistic but weird. i've been too spoiled with hollywood movies wherein i had to be entertained every second else i walk out of the theatre. i heard in japan, they finish the movie and leave only after the credits finished rolling on the screen. their patience in everything is amazing. really amazing.

anyway. after reading the manga. watching the movie, in youtube - good thing it was in youtube. im now downloading the ost. because yui's voice was amazing. it was soft and beautiful and she justified the character well.

all in all. i spent the night obsessing again. at least my exams are all done so i have enough time to accomodate my fangirlism. cant wait to find more obsession-worthy stuff. hehehe.

fallin' for you

nangyari na ba yun sa yo? nakarinig ka ng song sa radyo tapos narealize mo bigla na sobrang perfect nung song na yun sa drama ng buhay mo, tapos gustong gusto mo nang magemote ng todo tapos narealize mong nasa gitna ka ng supermarket. XD

hay, ganun talaga ang life. ang saklap. anyway. dahil naaddict na naman ako sa isang bagong song, naisip kong ilista ang mga "theme songs" ng buhay ko. di naman sa may kinalaman sila sa life ko talaga, pero naaddict ako sa mga kantang to at one point in my life.

1. Fallin' For You by Colbie Caillat - sobrang naaddict ako dito ngayon, tapos ang matinding line sa lyrics na di ako makagetover talaga:

Maybe I should
Keep this to myself...

(oo nga, medyo ilang years ko ng kinikeep to sa self ko.. hahaha, what's another 10 more years?)

But I want to

I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling....

(hay naku, kung sana kaya kong harapin kung anumang sasabihin mo. pero hindi e. )

I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya

(yup. all this freaking time.. mga ilang taon ko na rin siya iniisip. pero me ibang thoughts naman in between pero mostly nga years na din. hahai)

2. Insensitive by Jann Arden

Oh, you probably won’t remember me
It’s probably ancient history
I’m one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I’m out of hope, I’m out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have
Some advice to give on how to be
Insensitive

(Hai, sana talaga maforget na kita. pagod na rin ako sa thoughts ko. pagod na rin ako sa feeling na to. pagod na ako.)

3. Temporary Madness by Jodie Brooke Wilson

its like your in my DNA

like it was always gonna feel this way.

(Ang tindi, DNA ba naman. hahai, pero minsan parang ganun nga...

parang may personalized radar ka tungkol sa kanya. o di ba. saklap.)

Anyway... ayun lang. top 3 songs. ang sarap kasi magemote. kahit may exam pa bukas.

kahit wala pa ako masyadong naaral.

kahit na.

bahala na.

carry lang.

go lang.

kaya to.

... sana. .^____^.

what i've been upto lately... rant-a-rant-rant

i haven't blogged for a long time because...

1. i wrote a fan fiction.. which pretty much took up most of my writing creativity. It is seven chapters long and each chapter was a real challenge to write. The problem wasn't the creativity or the plot, it was more of the putting things into words and making it feel realistic or make the characters be 'in character'.

2. i had a million exams and requirements last last week. okay, not really a million but it was surely a lot. i had to forego sleeping sometimes just to finish the requirements or finish studying for the exams.

3. i am bored. honestly, what to write when one is bored? i've exhausted youtube for anything that catches my interest. i even bought a book by my favorite author but i can't seem to finish it. i bought a comic book again but i wasn't thoroughly entertained. i am bored.

and so... i won't be posting much again. because here are the other stuff that i should be doing:

1. THESIS METHODOLOGY (yup, we haven't decided on the final algorithm of our thesis, and august is almost finished! gah! >panic mode<)

2. CS 131 probset, which was given to us last last week and i haven't even as much as glance at it.

3. CS 133 assignment, which was texted by our professor yesterday but only contains 2 numbers that i don't know how to answer at all

4. Stat 130.... dreaded exam is near, must review 3 chapters.

hai... i am so swamped with stuff... but i can't seem to find the right mood to make them. anyway. good luck to me. and to you too!

20...

ayon sa wolfram alpha.. 20 years at 20 days daw ako mula july 9, 1989 - july 29, 1989.. at kung sana naisip ko yun kahapon. eh di sana nagawa ko ito ng 20 years, 20 days, 20 hours, 20 minutes at 20 seconds pa nga..of existence. para cool.

anyway. aside from 20 years at 21 days na ako ngayon, technically,

7321 days na akong buhay - di man umabot ng 10k... tao talaga, laging humahangad sa upper bound.. hahahhaa

175 704 hours - at ilan sa mga oras na yun walang kwenta

2.006 decades - wala lang parang 2006.. hehe, sana wag naman 2.006 gwa ko.

20.04328 years old ako talaga.

so pwede kong sabihin ang age ko upto 5 decimal points.. hahaha.. wala lang.. anyway. exam pa bukas.. aral muna.

another bangag moment

dahil di na naman ako natulog dahil nagcram ako ng probset... heto na naman ako at bangag na bangag. ayoko sanang sayangin ang moment na ito kung kelan sobrang daling magsulat, magpaflow ng thoughts, magtranscribe ng sinisigaw ng utak ko, pasayawin ang mga daliri ko kung saan man nila gustong pumunta... kasi ganun lang talaga ako, so eto ang mga DAKILANG BANGAG moments ko na medyo once in a lifetime ang dating:

* ang highest score ko sa word challenge sa facebook ay nangyari nung sobrang bangag at inaantok ako at sinisigawan na ako ng ibang tao sa kwarto ng mga salitang nakikita nila sa screen ko. parang naging typist lang ako, pero antaas ng score ko nun, di ko na nga maabutan e.

* ang fastest MP na nagawa ko ay ginawa ko magdamagan from GUI to back end to docu, at individual pa ako nun. minsan kasi kapag feeling gago ka talaga, magpapakalala ka na lang para mas nakakahigh.

* ang highest exam ko sa math dati ay bunga ng hindi pagtulog buong gabi. parang nareretain sa utak ko ang inaral ko ilang oras lang bago ang exam. parang familiar pa sa kamay ko ang equations na sinosolve ko sa kwarto kaya't mabili na niya itong naisusulat sa exam ko. napaisip tuloy ako, kung bangag kaya ako... possessed din ako?

* masarap mawalan ng control sa sarili minsan. yung kinakalaban mo ang antok mo, kasi wala kang thrill sa buhay. ganun na siguro ako kabangag ngayon. bakit ka magdrudrugs, kung pwede ka naman magextrajoss araw-araw at ipagpaliban ang pagtulog. malamang pagkahiga mo sa kama, instant satisfaction na.

* mas masarap ang pagpupuyat kesa sa diet, sa fasting, sa pagpapakabait.. kasi madaling matuwa pagkatapos. makatulog ka lang, langit na. nasa kama ka lang, tulog ka na. baka insomnia ko lang tong nagsasalita. baka kelangan ko na ng sleeping pills. baka psycho lang ako. baka kelangan ko lang matulog.

goodnight.

kapag bente ka na.

kapag bente ka na....

...feeling mo mas matanda ka na, kahit na isang taon lang ang nadagdag sa edad mo
...malapit ka nang grumaduate, wala ka ng excuse para humingi ng allowance
...mejo unrealistic na magbasa ng pangteens na mga libro/manga/comics
...pag sinabi mo ang edad mo, laging reaction nila ay: "ang tanda mo na."
...tapos na ang 1/4 ng buhay mo.. yan ay kung aabot ka ng 80 (matagal na yun)
...at marami pang iba.. wala na akong maisip. hahai. hirap ng tumatanda, sana bumalik ang oras. tinatamad pa akong grumaduate.

when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even

i am really bored. i mean this is the third blog post within an hour and i am seriously clogging up this blog with all these nonsense. but hey, isn't that what blogs are for?

here's a song that won't leave my head otherwise known as the "last song syndrome" or LSS. it has a point though, when a heart breaks.. it really doesn't break even. i mean i've never been heartbroken or whatever before but the song really has a point. anyway. here's the lyrics.

Breakeven lyrics

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man thats gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)


hai.. i'm hopeless.

the wave theory of life

woohoo! two posts in one day. i'm on a roll here!

due to a cup of coffee, free wifi access, an uncured case of insomnia and a couple of stupid ideas running through my head, i have unearthed another stupid theory of life that has been sleeping inside my brain for a couple of years already. it all started with a simple phrase that popped up and never left my mind, "sometimes you just have to cry."

no, i wasn't trying to be melodramatic or dramatic at all. it just happened to pass by my brain before going to lala land or whatever land thoughts go to after they expire. being the bored techie that i am, i googled the phrase-that-never-left-my-mind and found a pdf about some humorist's speech. it gave further proof about my wave theory of life.

the wave theory of life declares that:
in life, one must experience happiness in the same intensity and length as sadness.

corollary: intensity and length of time are inversely proportional to one another.

you cannot be happy for an extremely long time and you cannot be sad for an extremely long time too.. you know why? extreme laughter and depression can cause death. if you experience sadness for a long time, it's not as intensified as you experienced it briefly. we are all human, we become numb to emotions after some time.

i do not mean we have to remain stoic and boring all the time to evade sadness, but isn't a roller coaster of emotions what makes us human? we feel, ergo we're human. the wave practicality of life justifies the existence of drugs and anti-depressants, we want to experience everything even through synthetic unnatural ways.

corollary: threshold values for happiness and sadness is unique for every person. happiness threshold value may not be equal to sadness threshold value.

it's like your alcohol limit, we all have our own capacities. some people can take in too much pain (martyrs), some people can't (suicidals) but we all have the ability to withstand sadness like how we have the ability to enjoy happiness.

it's a simple yin yang. a balance of some sort. we live. we laugh. we cry. it's what makes us human after all.

disclaimer: read disclaimer above.

life and everything else

after a routine stalking exercise, i found another blog stash of an old crush of mine that talked about theories, philosophies and all the big words that would shame marx. anyway, i've decided to write about something philosophical myself: life and everything else.

for me life boils down to simplest of things, #1 happiness of self and #2 happiness of others. i'm no gandhi or buddha but i do think that we're here to have fun, be happy and enjoy life as it is. although if you meet me in real life, i'm really no happy go lucky person but i like being happy. i spend hours and hours in doing the things that make me happy and that is reading books, listening to music, eating and sleeping. since classes has been postponed, i've been locked up inside my room doing the aforementioned four things repeatedly. of course, there's the occasional bathroom emergencies and social interactions to meet my quota. hahaha.

happiness of others may be as limited to happiness of other half, if you're lucky enough to have one. i, myself don't have anyone to share this dreary life with aside from the book and music collection stored in my PC. but you see, happiness of others can also translate to happiness of friends, family or any other social entity. this can be in a form more popularly known as "quality time" or simply QT, as my sister always termed it.

so, my philosophy in life? we're all here (on earth) to live, laugh, love, learn and ultimately be happy. we may need to work hard for happiness sometimes (study to get 1.0s, earn to eat great food, work asses off to get promoted) but these happy moments make life worth living (take it from a suicidal). so.. last words? live. love. be happy. because you deserve it. :D

happiness

hmm.. since i have been neglecting this little blog corner of mine, i shall write today. and because i am H-A-P-P-Y... i decided to write the top five things that make me sooooo happy.

5. good grades

4. great manga (shoujo or josei)

3. funny anime (aka soul eater)

2. perfect music (happy happy music!)

1. peace. silence. tranquility.

if i were to paint my perfect image of happiness, it would be something like: me, curled up in a sofa with a great book while amazing music (not noisy music) plays in the background while the temperature is almost below freezing temp with a mug of hot coffee.. hai... all five senses satisfied! yeah!

Tangina.

Tanginang buhay naman.
Nakasira na naman ako. anong klaseng katangahan ba kasi ang meron ako. lecheng tanginang buhay.

1. Buwisit na vista - ayaw lumampas sa black screen with cursor
2. Lecheng linux mint - nagerror nung installation
3. Gagong active partition recovery -- kelangan ng license key
4. Tanginang XP - ntloader error
5. Pochang kabobohan.

hai. ayoko na. patayin niyo na lang ako. antanga tanga ko kasi.

inumin

dahil birthday ni kuya joma, at umuwi ang ate ko... binigyan nila ng surprise party si kuya - complete with unlimited bar na nagbibigay ng free flowing drinks. sayang nga lang at hindi ko yun party kaya hindi ko nadala sina tina at kert... sure akong matutuwa sila dun. anyway. dahil psycho ang ate ko, heto ang ilan sa mga pinatikim niya sa akin.. in hopes na malasing ako.. (hmm, lasing na ba ako?)

1. FLAMING SHOT.. di ko talaga alam ang exact name nung drink basta mukha siyang blue liquid above red liquid at sinisindihan ang blue flame kapag sineserve sa iyo. unlike other shots na iniinom nang straight, etong flaming shot e ginagamitan ng istraw.. kasi nga naman may apoy. matindi tindi ang after effect nito. hindi lang after taste na lasang tempra, may after effect pa na burning sensation sa esophagus. antindi.

2. COOL BREEZE (cocktail) masarap, mapait, lasang cherry at served with real cherry din. enjoy it iced. stir well before drinking. served in a tall glass, kaya mejo marami. pero masarap naman, lasang cherry na may mapait na aftertaste din, parang cough syrup. hehe. mukhang appletini sa simula pero nagiging pinkish pag stinir mo yung red liquid sa bottom ng glass.

3. APPLETINI, martini ata na may apple flavor... honestly di ko feel ang apple dito. may cherry din siya. clear yellow liquid nga pala siya, mukhang sobrang diluted na beer.at ang tindi ng kapaitan nito, grabeh. medyo dineretso ko na lang tong inumin para di ko mafeel yung pait.

4. SCREWDRIVER. blue shot. hmm.. lasang tempra din. minus the sweet aftertaste. mapait din kasi siya. amoy tempra. cool blue color. eto, iniinom ng straight. okay naman, medyo short lang nga, parang kulang siya kapag iniinom. hehe.

5. SCREW ME. na honestly di ko makita at madistinguish ang difference sa screw driver. mas matindi daw sabi nila kuya, pero never ko naman nafeel ang difference. anyway, in all ways, para sa akin pareho lang sa screwdriver.. refer to 4.

6. GREEN cocktail thing.. sinerve ng bartender, di ko nalaman kung anong name. sabi ko kasi kahit ano na lang. kaya yun. di ako natuwa dito kasi lasang hilaw na orange. sobrang walang other flavor. pait lang. weird talaga. pero cute yung color. hehe

7. ICED TEA? chaser ko the whole night. nakasampung baso ata ako ng iced tea or more, maliit din naman kasi yung baso nila ng iced tea.

other drinks na di ko natry kasi di nila ako binigyan.. hehe. joke lang. malamang may iba akong iniinom nung time na yun.

8. KAMIKAZE.. may cocktail version at shot version dun. eto ata yung yellowish stuff na iniinom nila.. never kong natikman kasi laging may iniinom pa akong iba na pinapainom ng ate ko. kaya yun.

9. VODKA SEVEN. in clear transparent version and blue version. sabi nila yung clear version vodka & 7up lang tapos yung blue version may isa pang halo. di ko din natry kasi puro guys sa table lang namin yung binigyan.

10. MELON thing. light green na cute ang kulay. may cherry din. lasang bubblegum daw, matamis at cool. may sugar crystals sa rim nung glass, di ko gets bakit.

anyway.. sobrang wasted na yung ate ko kanina, di niya na nga ako nakilala e. hehe. lasing na kaya ako? naku wag naman sana may exam pa ko mamya. hehe. :D anyway. happy birthday kuya.

new year's resolution

dahil isa sa mga usong listahan ay ang new year's resolution, sino ba naman ako para lumihis sa tradisyon? kaya heto ang aking natatanging new year's resolution. lima lang para naman medyo realistic.. haha. pagkatapos ko tong ipost, malamang makakalimutan ko din to. hahahhaa.

5. hinding hinding hindi na ako malelate sa klase ko. kahit pa nakakatamad. kahit malamig ang simoy ng hangin. kahit ayoko sa prof. kahit alam ko namang hindi papasok ng maaga ang prof ko. kahit puro excuses ang sinisigaw ng utak ko. kahit lalakarin ko pa ang klase ko. kahit na... kahit pa.. hinding hindi na ako malelate.

4. magsasave na ako. kahit masarap gumastos at kumain. gusto kong magipon at makabili ng something... uhm. ewan. kahit ano. para lang me pinagipunan daw ako. marami naman akong trip bilhin e. kaya magsasave daw ako.

3. magaaral na ako. hindi na ako magcracram. lam ko namang medyo imposible yun. pero no harm in trying di ba.. so magaaral na ako ng maaga para hindi na ako magcram. kasi aim high pinay! ahhaa. adik.

2. matutulog ng maaga kung wala namang dahilan para magpuyat. di na ako magmamarathon ng series kung may exam ako the next day, di na ako magbabasa ng nakakaadik na ebook kung may 8.30am class ako the next day. matutulog na ako. matutulog na talaga ako.. sisimulan ko pagschool night na. hahaha..

1. HINDI NA AKO MAGIGING TAMAD. kunwari, di na ako magdedelay ng dapat gawin. di na ako matutulog ng extra five minutes. babangon na ako kaagad sa umaga. maliligo agad kapag time ko na sa shower stall. kapag walang ginagawang productive, gagawin ko na ang pwedeng gawin na productive.. pero sa school night na ako magsisimula. hahahhaa.

so ayun. sana lang magawa ko talga mga to.. kasi malamang sa malamang... wala rin akong mararating sa mga to. but its never too late to dream.. hehehhee.